Update

Harold C. Alton

For those of you who don't know, my Grandpa Alton passed away September 12, 2009. He had a heart attack, and passed shortly after. I don't think I've ever had such an empty feeling in my stomach. And even now, almost a month after his passing, I'm tearing up just trying to write about it.
My mom was down helping us out since I had thrown my back out badly the week before. I remember praying one night in particular asking God to heal my back. And then I immediately took it back, and told God that if there was a reason my back had gone out so badly that I could deal with it, and I could accept it. But that if there wasn't a reason, I asked for healing.
It was a very convicting time for me. If my mom had not come down to help me out, I wouldn't have gotten to be with the family in the way that I needed to be.

I am still holding onto a lot of guilt from his passing. Guilt that he never got to meet my daughter. He was to meet her 1 week after he passed. He was so looking forward to it, I know. And I haven't been able to accept the fact that he never got to. I wish I would have made the trip home earlier so that could have happened. But how was I to know?
Guilt that I didn't call him on his last birthday. I knew it was his birthday, my mom e mailed to remind me. I kept putting it off, saying "oh, I'll call him in a bit." That bit never came. And it won't, ever. And let me tell you, saying "Happy Birthday" to my Grandpa at a hospital, after he'd passed is something that tore my heart apart.
There are so many things I wish I would have said, wish I would have done. In a way I wish I wouldn't have missed the last 6 years of his life. But in the same breath, that also means that I wouldn't have the beautiful family that I do. And it's a family that I know he was proud of, and loved dearly.

I will never forget my Grandpa. I will never forget the wonderful, caring, loving, supportive person that he was. The light and laughter in his eyes will always be with me. He was at every game in my youth. Even weekend tournaments, him and Grandma always came. He was such a presence in my life. Always there. He had an enormous impact on my life, and a tremendous influence for me. He loved unconditionally, and I will forever be grateful for and to him.

I am so thankful to have the family that I have. Being able to be with them at one of the hardest times of our lives was so amazing. The love that everyone has for each other leaves a lot to be said of the family that Grandpa and Grandma raised and influenced, and I am proud to be a part of that.


xoxo
k.